Let me start off with….
This is a journey. An adventure. A rollercoaster. A dance. Hell sometimes it’s a rumble.
And we are all in. Constantly learning.
And in some cases, that means making mistakes, pivoting and learning from them too.
I’m not perfect. He certainly isn’t. But we are doing some pretty cool things you might not have thought of, so let me share. #yearsoflearning #moreyearstocome
Here I am writing a post about making couple goals, when only the other day, I let my own goals, blindside me to my partner, which started a #humdinger of a …….. conversation
I sent him a screenshot of a website I wanted us to use, to take an enneagram test. If you don’t know what they are, #great, cause my post on them will be up about them soon.
And I was all, this is a great opportunity to get an outsider look into ourselves and our relationship, so we can then start great dialogue #blahblah #wankywank have a laugh, compare results #yadayada
Him being the him that he is, checked out the website, which also promised to heal your chakras, mend your relationships, and cleanse your soul…. which then maybe made him lose his na na.
Like, how could you be so silly kind of tangent. #ugh #hindsighticanseeit #butatthetime
And I laughed.
Because while that may be my jam. It isn’t his. And in his mind, here was Shannon, dancing off, spending our hard earned money on #voodoo to tell us essentially horoscope fortunes #itisn’t #itdoesn’t #waybetterthanthis
The point I am making is.
I was blinded by my goal of making us better communicators. That I forgot to communicate properly. #facepalm
Action You Can Start Right Now
Share Your Personal Goals. Ask Them About Theirs. Now Make Some Together.
Might have noticed. Big goal setter here. Like, write them down, don’t move them from the fridge except for your quarterly check in, kinda goal setter. #notcrazy #mymotherhadmetested
And when we first met, my partner was not. Like not even a little bit, too cool, go with the flow Mr he was.
But after six years. #worehimdown
I have my goals.
And he has his own goals.
We have couple goals. And it is damn nice.
And our goals aren’t those #savemoney cheapo goals that you could find on a bumper sticker.
They are SMARTAR goals. And even saying that aloud makes me all #smarmy and #we’rewinning
Because it took a lot of conversations. But it was and is worth it. Because when things come up, whether opportunities, events or whatever, we can have a conversation as to whether the x y z will help us reach our personal or joint goals.
Start the conversation. Ask your bae, what are their goals. You may just be surprised.
Acknowledge When They Win. But Acknowledge Your Wins Too
Bit of a motivator. Like a whoo girl, but, like, better. #howtosayimclevernicely…
And so when I see B win, I am all over it. Hell some days it’s remembering to take the trash out, I will high five him. Other days it is him besting his deadlift PB. Or learning a new thing at work. And you know why I know these things?
Because I am invested, I care, and I ask. #effort #putintheeffort
And what I didn’t realise, was if I didn’t tell B; he presumed it wasn’t important and so wouldn’t ‘pry.’
Now this took me years to realise. #slowlearner
I didn’t used to #noreally like tooting my own horn and saying when I had had a win. But for B, at the time, that would be the only way he would learn of it. Because in his world, if it was important to me, I should share it with him. And not wait around hoping he may ask me. #makessenseiguess
Tell your partner when you have a win. Sometimes you may have to explain why it is a win. That’s cool. The more background, the more information, and the more they see how amazing your win is. Just make sure you invest the same back into them. Be their #whooperson
Tell Them What You Are Grateful For About Them
We saw this in a movie when we first started dating. And #boyohboy am I thankful for it. Because it started as a game. Before going to sleep, say a couple nice things to one another.
Like not lots, or every night #calmdown
But, enough. Then we’d forget and the world would keep worlding, and suddenly something would happen, and one of us would start “You know I’m grateful for how you….”
And it’s nice. It’s easy. Sometimes they’d be funny, or physical, or actions, or little/big things.
But my golly no matter what, does it hit you in the feels and keep you #rosiecheeked for days.
Tell your partner what you are grateful for about them. Don’t drop it on them and expect then can rattle off five things about you in return with no warning #beenthere #doesn’twork
Give them prep time. Give them wait time. Tell them its important. Then share the love.
Take it slow cowboy
3 small things you could do today with your partner.
The thing is though, you need to be conscious to do them. Don’t just smack your partner around the head with a ‘I’m grateful for how you x y z,’ and expect them to articulate all the wonderful reasons why they love you back in the next handful of seconds. Don’t set them up for failure. #dontbethatguy
Hell, your partner might even wonder where this #flimflammery came from. Talk to them.
Small, conscious, steps. Made together. These are the things that make a big difference.
Got a couple, better, smaller, more achievable goals couples can make together? Post them below and share the love darlings!